Choice of the Future

Today I was scheduled an interview at Scan Asia Inc. I didn't know what it was but then I confirmed my attendance because I think it was my cousin who referred me there. Anyway, I woke up at 7 AM and got out of the house at around 8.30 AM. I was supposed to take an FX ride to Makati when suddenly I realized how I had forgotten to bring my phone with me. I thought it was already in my bag but it was so stupid of me not to check. I had to go back home again and at that time it was already 8.45 AM. I was doomed at that point and knew that I was going to be late. Instead of riding an FX, I went with my sister who was on her way to work. We dropped her off then I was dropped off at Q. Ave station. Had to wait at the elevator because the escalator stair thing was closed down for God knows what reason. Upon arriving Ayala station, I went to SM Makati's taxi stand and rode a taxi to Scan Asia. I was already 15 minutes late but then I had to fill up a form so it didn't seem to matter that I was that late. There were two other applicants there who I had to wait before I had my interview. I instantly thought that the company was not meant for me because Scan Asia turns out to be a food distributor. It's not an IT company and the position I was applied for was CIC Assistant or more understood as someone who takes care of bulk orders. Woah. What a shift. 

My last interview at NNIT made me think about how much I want to work in the IT industry and if I can make it there. Of course Ms. Katrina reminded me that the IT industry is not easy. It takes passion for development to stay in the industry and I think I still haven't decided whether or not I'm built for that kind of job. I mean I see myself working within the IT industry but it's unclear to me what I would do. I don't know if I can handle hard core development because I'm scared of the future. I don't want to disappoint people and I don't want to make wrong choices. I know that in life it's hard to determine which choices are the right ones to take but then I want to be extra cautious. I think I want the easy way in, (the industry that is) but then life is tough. I don't know whether or not I will be happy if I accept an offer within the industry as a developer. I also don't want to take risks as of the moment, even though people are always saying that without risks there won't be improvement. I really just don't want to try out to be a developer then leave after a few months. I don't think that is a good thing to do. I mean as much as I want to try all the possible positions and work I can to see where I fit best and work at my happiest, I cannot do that. I don't know how much to gamble with my career and that's what makes me so scared of the future. I have plans of starting a business with my relatives but then of course I want to still have a stable job. 

Now that Scan Asia has offered something that is so different with what I'm expecting to do seeing that I am a graduate of a computer studies course, it made me think so much as to how much I really want to work in the IT industry. I mean I admit that I want to work in the business side of things because in the end I think it's enjoyable and I actually believe myself capable of doing that and doing it well might I add, but then it always haunts me that I studied something that is an acquired skill. Even though the skills I have acquired are not polished well, I believe that these skills have so much potential for growth. Maybe it's just me, being scared for the future, maybe it's the fresh grad jitters but in conclusion I realized how I want to work somewhere in something that I can actually excel in. Ultimately, I'm scared of not being able to perform well in work. Everyone wants to excel and everyone strives for excellence beyond measure, and I guess that's key to success. But how can one excel without enough passion and confidence with what one is doing and one has acquired?