Midnight Thoughts

I'm a pretty random person, and I'd like to just ramble away with my thoughts as of now with this blog entry.

It's 2.09 AM and my parents are actually telling me to sleep already because it's kinda late but then yeah, as I've mentioned I think I have sleeping problems so I guess it's better for me to tire myself out then sleep so I won't have to toss and turn on my bed and force myself to sleep. 

Because I've started blogging I have been wanting to blog about many ideas, dreams and things that I'm passionate about but I can't figure out where to start. I want to post pictures and drawings and creations and ideas but I don't know how I'll be able to produce these things for my blog. I wanna write about what I like to do, what I want to create and what I dream to become one day and I'm actually scared that if I write it all in this blog that it'll never happen.

I'm more afraid that I'm lazy and that I know what I want in my head but then I won't be able to produce that in real life because it would be so complicated and tedious and it'd turn out completely different from what I projected in my head. Of course it's easier to think than to do I mean you can think of anything because imagination takes you way beyond real life. 

That's just part of what I'm thinking of right now. I feel like I have a lot of baggage, even though ironically I'm a bum and I have nothing better to do. I'm stressing myself out from the things that I can't do and I want to do but feel as if I have no time. I want to do a lot of things but I'm afraid that it'll take me nowhere, especially now that in this time of my life it's crucial for me to move forward and think ahead-of the future. I think it's me being lazy and me being afraid of the unknown. I know I have to face this one day but I'm so stubborn that I want days to pass by where I just do nothing about it and maybe one day realize how I have slacked off and must then compensate for the slack-age and move forward.

I'm such a slacker. I want to postpone the important things in life because I'm afraid. I'm also envious of those who make it happen because I can't imagine how they have the courage in doing so. I want to be courageous and brave the days so I'd be one day successful and achieve my goals in life. I think I lack drive and passion but my current situation is pushing me to do so already, I can't figure out why I'm not working my ass off.