Audism

I think I might have Audism. 

How conceited of me, yet again haha. But seriously, I've got mental problems. I really believe I have social anxiety disorder. Ever since I got a job, I've been browsing a lot in the internet about health related things. First off, I researched my hive situation, I was right! I went to the derma only to find out that she had diagnosed what I concluded my itchy situation was. Sounds bad, itchy because they're allergies, just to clear things up, not that there are any clearing things up needed. 

Anyway, getting back to topic, why do I think I have social anxiety disorder? I don't recall all symptoms but I do relate to some. I read it's a pretty common disorder so it's nothing serious. It's not like you have to take meds or anything. Work life is nothing compared to my college life. I was never really the friendliest person but somehow college was a breeze compared to work. Maybe it's because of all the groups I joined, heck high school me would never have imagined college me to be that 'outgoing'. Yes that was the most outgoing I got I think. :)) Don't judge me. (Signs of S.A.D. tsktsk) 

I never would've imagined myself becoming involved with the student body, even though I did not make a huge impact on others in becoming more 'involved', I believe those experiences made a huge impact on myself. I finally thought I overcame a lot of things social related. I was wrong. 

I recall the first day of work. March 28th, 2011. I thought with all my experiences in college, the mingling, socializing, talking to strangers, and my outgoingness would help me fit in with my new work life. I was wrong yet again. First day of college Auds manifested and I wasn't able to talk like how I do now with my office mates for about a year or so. Talk about major set back! College me joined orgs, became an officer, actually had other things to do than school work but work me is just, so, isolated. Work me only has work on her plate. No time for fun, not being encouraged to meet new people, tackle new things, become.. well, involved. 

How the heck did I survive college? I know I wasn't such an eager beaver back in college when I decided I would join groups and such but now there's just nothing pushing me to join anything. Even though my work has a lot of opportunities and outlets for fun I just don't feel motivated. What a waste, don't you think? Would it be because I'm always feeling tired after work? Or is it because I'm too scared of meeting new people? Or maybe because there's nothing in it for me when I do join those clubs at work? (College had resume written all over joining orgs and the SC -- but honestly when I got to become an officer, I didn't just do it for the resume, there was a sense of fulfillment and sense of belongingness. I was actually proud of myself for coming that far.)  It all boils down to me. I AM THE PROBLEM. 

The other problem is, how do I fix the problem? How do I fix me?