Weekend

Everybody loves the weekend *generalizing*. But you agree don't you?


Today, I finally had the weekend off. The feeling of waking up later than 8 AM feels awesome. The feeling of waking up at around lunchtime is even awesome-r. I missed staying up late and waking up later. I missed being able to wake up with a clear what-do-I-do-today slate. 


For some it might be just another day of boredom, a day filled with not much but for someone deprived like me, it's the second best thing in the world. I say second and of course it's an as of the moment thing because a) my life has sunk that low (yes, having the weekend off is already the second best thing in the world for me currently speaking, err typing) b) I still have that human instinct called 'hope' that this certainly is not the best thing going on in my life right now. After all, as the saying goes 'life's what you make it' so I'm making it this.


I would like to recap my life for the how many months I've been 'absent' so to say but unfortunately that could be summed up in a little phrase: 'boring and tiresome'. I'd like to think one day that all my efforts in this 'endeavor' would pay off. If it doesn't then please pay off elsewhere, just pay off, because I've been so miserable and I believe 'miserable' is an understatement. 


Every time I blog, I always manage to feel a certain way and start to think about my life as a whole, how it's going and where it's going. I'm starting to think if I'm cut out for my work now, and the sad thing is I don't think so, and even sadder would be the fact that it didn't take me more than 5 seconds to come up with an answer to that. I feel so stuck right now and at any moment I can easily just shift from it but it seems I can't. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and everyone else is going to places. Not that my job is a rut but no matter how great your job is it still doesn't measure up if you don't appreciate it as much as you should to be able to say that it's not a job, it's a lifestyle or something like that.


I read somewhere that to think positively from day to day improves the state of mind and of course life in general. I didn't read through the whole thing because I'm a self proclaimed illiterate (in my own terms of course, someone who doesn't really 'read' for kicks, or for anything really unless urgent, required or important). I'm now only realizing that I've read that document (yes, it was in a word document, I actually forgot where it came from, who sent it to me and anything with regards to its origin but anyway) it's been months ever since I've 'read' (more like skimmed) the thing and I haven't even tried the simple steps towards a more positive outlook in life. 


I find it hard to follow the steps because I'm always filled with negative energy. I blame myself for that because I love lingering, I love focusing on the negative, I'm definitely the 'half-empty' type. One of the steps says that you should stop focusing on the negative and start thinking of the positives. Sounds easy enough right? But whenever I think about me having to think about the positives, it feels so forced. I just hope one day I'd be able to focus on the positive because it feels more natural that way rather than because I have to so I can have a better outlook in life. I've only tried this about once HAHA, but I'm certainly not putting a close to it. I want to change, I want to be inspired, I want to inspire. :)


P.S. It seems as though all my entries have a little of what I'm thinking about all jammed up into one messy blog note. :))